99. LAST EXIT
Let this be said – I’m thinking of leaving the TV industry and going into music, art and film and thinking of going to art school where I can pick up all of these skills. I’m burnt out from doing mindless and most uncreative shows on the telly.
I realise I really like creative entertainment and to do that I have to do things on my own terms. I cannot compromise by sitting down behind a desk and taking orders from the powers that be.
Anything that allows me to mold music, art, photography and film is something I really desire doing and I know that I can do it well. And I cannot do it here. Not in this country I work and the country I live in. I have to leave. Call it instinct but yea, it is.
LAst night while watching a Korean drama on KBS World, one of the characters said something real poignant that grabbed my attention instantly. The character was a general that was caught by another general and made to vow his loyalty to the general that had caught him just to escape the guillotine and save the face of his wife and son who were also captured.
3 days later, he decides to betray everyone including his family, saying that ‘If I stay here, I may be able to stay alive but my dreams and hopes will die if I continue this way.’
So there – here’s another insight. Another sign on this highway of life of mine.The reason why I’ve been putting all this off is because I’m afraid of the failure and real AFRAID. I’m not exactly a young teenybopper ya know but I have the heart of one. It hasn’t hit me yet – this age – this inability to do it but the fear has certainly paralysed me.
But slowly, I’m plucking some courage and it’s probably all going down in 2011 and if I fail, I have to get up and do it all over again. Sigh….
Wish me luck.