Let this be said – I’m thinking of leaving the TV industry and going into music, art and film and thinking of going to art school where I can pick up all of these skills. I’m burnt out from doing mindless and most uncreative shows on the telly.

I realise I really like creative entertainment and to do that I have to do things on my own terms. I cannot compromise by sitting down behind a desk and taking orders from the powers that be.

Anything that allows me to mold music, art, photography and film is something I really desire doing and I know that I can do it well. And I cannot do it here. Not in this country I work and the country I live in. I have to leave. Call it instinct but yea, it is.

LAst night while watching a Korean drama on KBS World, one of the characters said something real poignant that grabbed my attention instantly. The character was a general that was caught by another general and made to vow his loyalty to the general that had caught him just to escape the guillotine and save the face of his wife and son who were also captured.

3 days later, he decides to betray everyone including his family, saying that ‘If I stay here, I may be able to stay alive but my dreams and hopes will die if I continue this way.’

Right on!

So there – here’s another insight. Another sign on this highway of life of mine.The reason why I’ve been putting all this off is because I’m afraid of the failure and real AFRAID. I’m not exactly a young teenybopper ya know but I have the heart of one. It hasn’t hit me yet – this age – this inability to do it but the fear has certainly paralysed me.

But slowly, I’m plucking some courage and it’s probably all going down in 2011 and if I fail, I have to get up and do it all over again. Sigh….

Wish me luck.


About thejellyfarm

In real life, I am a television writer and producer...er no...scratch...a television director....noo, scratch....a media loser.....wait, that doesn't sound quite insulting enough....... OK, ahem. In real life, I'm an idiot box expert with a penchant for the creative. In short, I'm a loser with no focus or direction in life. I just go where the creative flow takes me. Mostly it takes me to clogged up drains and stinky oceans but it's going.......going.....somewhere. And this blog is an expression of that mindblowing roadblock. Creative frustration is a great motivator and here is a result of that.

Posted on August 29, 2010, in Personal. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Good luck Persis! You can do it. 😀

  2. Good luck fellow fishie…take heart! and believe in this leap 🙂

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