84. SINGLES: WHAT NOT TO SAY

My friends, well most of what’s left in my social circle that is 😉 always know I’m one of those staunch disbelievers of articles that appear in fluff women’s magazines.

Most of them dish out crassy, irrelevant information that really makes for great reading while you’re at the hairdressers. (Frankly I’d rather be reading my favourite book than choke my brains with articles about how pleasing your man in bed will make you a better girlfriend or wife. But since that’s about the only intellectual thing you’re going to find at your local salon, one just has to make do, I suppose.) 

But having said that, every once in a pink haze of candy flossed features, comes an article I can actually sit back and relate to.

O my gosh! Did I say relate?!

I mean I’m single for god’s sake! I’m NOT an expert at relating at all. A dog relates better than me. I have zero networking/social skills only opinions and a few jokes to spare.

So here I’d like to share a nice charming article from ‘Glamour’ magazine about the 19 Things You Should Never Say to Singles and I can swear by at least 10 that I’d like y’all – whoever is still my friend these days, especially the married and settled ones – to please never ask or mention these in front of me when asking about my single life.

It would save me from thinking about finally getting that much needed lobotomy.

Enjoy!

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19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person


As a writer, I avoid cliches like the plague…HAHA! But seriously, cliches are old, tired, and they show absolutely no thought. I mean, do I make you read that some guy’s skin was as white as snow? No. It’s a major insult to your intellect. So when I have to hear a cliche or overused saying in the real world, as a response to my newly single status or some other dating dilemma, it’s offensive and frustrating.”

Why do we have so many sayings and maxims for dating? A single gal is likely to get slammed with them ad nauseam as soon as she expresses any unhappiness at her situation.

Since we could all use a good laugh, I asked some friends and Twitter followers to send in their most hated adages. I know you’ve heard them all before, but I just couldn’t believe how many there were! Here’s a tiny compilation. Enjoy — today, they’re not directed at you!

It happens when you’re not looking. “This is just bull. Some people find people when they’re looking; some don’t. You’re not doing anything wrong by going out and meeting people.” -Beth

There are plenty of fish in the sea. “I dated a guy whose last name was Fish. People just had a BLAST with that one.” -Kelly

So, why are you single? “I generally dislike this question. I mean honestly, if I knew why, I don’t think I would be single right now, now would I?!” -Erica

You’re too picky.This may be true, but it feels like I’m getting criticized for my taste, vision, and close-mindedness — when I’m already down.” -Sarah

You’ll find the right person for you. -Kelly

He’s out there. -Kelly

It was just bad timing.Like it’s so easy to dismiss a guy on such an emotionless and objective reason.” -Taryn

Just have fun with it! “Um, don’t tell me how to date in my thirties when you got married at 24.” -Maya

Have you tried online dating? “Duh!” -Elisa

He just wasn’t the right guy for you.“I know! That’s what I’m complaining about!” – Elisa

Well, when Steve and I first got together… “Wait, I still want to talk about me.” -Elisa

When the time is right, you will meet someone. -Betsy

Wow, I wish I were single and in your shoes! “Really?! I’m pretty sure you CAN be single if you actually want to be. That there is an attainable dream, so if you aren’t messing with me right now out of pity (which I suspect you are), please go for it!” -Kim

Your turn next [at weddings]. -Natlondon, via Twitter

It will happen when you least expect it. -dlegas05, via Twitter [Persis comments – Jesus! How many times have I heard this one? Puh-lease! Get real and stop waiting for anything to happen. It’s your Life and you only have time to live it once. Better get cracking on it man!]

Some guy is going to come along and ruin your career/life plans. “I am 32 and no one has ruined the last 10 years of plans.” -frolicblog, via Twitter

But you’re so pretty! Why don’t you have a boyfriend? “There’s just no graceful way to answer that.” -earnesteats, via Twitter [Persis comments – Coz I’m pretty independent, androgynous & happy with it? NEXT!!!]

It just wasn’t meant to be. “Any of these platitudes are exponentially more annoying when coming from the mouths of smug marrieds.” -Reberoodle, via Twitter

Sure, Steve rescues kids from abusive homes, donated my sister a kidney, and picks up fresh flowers for me daily on his way home from work, but will he QUIT IT with the sports on TV already? “Single people just hate to be complained to about petty relationship stuff. If you do this, I’m not going to want to hang out with you. (In fact, maybe I’ll call Steve and ask him if he wants to watch the Yankees game?)” -Kim [Persis comments – Yea, I don’t want to know either because you chose the person, not me, so live with it! Unless you’re making me feel pretty bad about not having the same problems too? Sheesh! NEXT!!!]

Bottom line, if you’re in a relationship or married and you don’t have any specific, original advice or wisdom for your single friend — and you must use an established saying — we would prefer to hear neutral ones like, “This too shall pass” or “Take it one day at a time.” They are so much more helpful and comforting — you have no idea!

Also of note: not one person I polled mentioned they were tired of hearing, “He’s just not that into you.” I think that’s because it’s not condescending. And apparently, it’s not overused. So that one is still OK to say.
Thanks for listening!
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About thejellyfarm

In real life, I am a television writer and producer...er no...scratch...a television director....noo, scratch....a media loser.....wait, that doesn't sound quite insulting enough....... OK, ahem. In real life, I'm an idiot box expert with a penchant for the creative. In short, I'm a loser with no focus or direction in life. I just go where the creative flow takes me. Mostly it takes me to clogged up drains and stinky oceans but it's going.......going.....somewhere. And this blog is an expression of that mindblowing roadblock. Creative frustration is a great motivator and here is a result of that.

Posted on April 30, 2010, in Personal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. It gets really annoying, doesn’t it? Dating or being in a relationship is part of life but IT’S NOT THE CENTER OF LIFE. What strikes me as funny is how people who are in a relationship tend to pontificate about how good life is and continue to lecture other people about it. But they make a 360- degree turn when they’re out of it.

    Lately, I’m been barraged with questions of why I’m not dating. Give me one good reason why I should be dating. So if I’m not dating? Does that make me less of a person? Or that my life is not worth living? Jeez…

    • thejellyfarm

      OMG Liana! You are so right about this being the ultimate pursuit of one’s happiness in Life. As if getting into relationships is going to solve of your problems, when in reality, it adds more pepper to the dish.:)

      Funny thing though how the fantasy slowly erodes as one ages. I used to think that way in my 20s and perhaps that’s probably why so many parents feel that their kids need to get married off then because they just don’t have the experience of the mental capabilities of thinking what marriage/relationships really are till 10 years down the road.

      The 30s are such enlightening times!! Haha!

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