67. DREDGES OF THE DRIVING WORLD

I admit it. I have an anger problem which probably needs professional help one of these days.

And I’m seriously looking into some anger management courses to curb it before I hurt myself.

I have considered this path especially after my recent road bullying experience and another road incident recently that saw me become a totally uncontrollable driver behind the wheels.

I’m talking about serious accelerator revving, 0 to 100 in 10 seconds or less.

Now I can easily point fingers at the berks that crossed my path but I know somewhere deep inside I shouldn’t even let these people work me up.

But they do.

Bad, nasty disgraceful drivers who shouldn’t even be given licenses to drive.

The phenomenon of having more people squeezing for space on roads, impatient monsters behind the wheels and just plain rude folk has instigated me to write this blog.

Some of the people who deserve their licenses revoked include:

tailgaters

speedsters (you know – the ones who think public roads are F1 tracks and the wanna Lewis Hamiltons? Pffft!)

queue jumpers

parking lot blockers

mobile phone yappers

drunk drivers

road bullies

Yea, that practically makes everyone of us drivers, including me.

But before you jump to conclusions, let me say why I believe the above categories of drivers need to be whip creamed and sauted by the traffic police.

1. They ENDANGER other people’s lives

2. The show that they behave worse than the apes in the jungle even though they think they are being smart, cutting people off as they weave in from lane to lane.

3. You PISS other drivers off.

4. You’re a BAD EXAMPLE to other up and coming drivers.

5. Oh and did I mention, you ENDANGER other people’s lives?

So there!

‘Nuff said.

And why is every driver I know in such a hurry to get anywhere? WTF?!

It’s like demon possession as soon as they get the keys into the ignition.

Slowww down people! You’ll get there on your own mystical time.

And if you’re late, bloody hell, get up earlier so you can to appointments ON TIME.

God, I can’t imagine what the roads are gonna be like when I’m 80 and still having to drive.

I’d probably have to get me one of those monster trucks with giant wheels (ala Bjork’s video Army of Me) so whenever someone displays monkey behaviour on the roads, I can simply run over their vehicles and continue driving peacefully at the designated speed limit.

Sheesh!

Well, enuff of me digging up foul-smelling dirt on the pitiful world of ‘duh-riving’.

But just a word of precaution to all those twit drivers out there. Don’t mess with me when you see me on the roads next time. I’ll be keeping a close eye on you, making sure you keep to the rules or else, you’ll face an army of me and my traffic light contigent, my friends. 😛

And without any further ado-doo.

Here’s my special guest star from Iceland, the multi-talented Bjork, who happens to be quite good at driving one mean monster truck.

Here she is performing ‘Army of Me’! Take it away Bjork!

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About thejellyfarm

In real life, I am a television writer and producer...er no...scratch...a television director....noo, scratch....a media loser.....wait, that doesn't sound quite insulting enough....... OK, ahem. In real life, I'm an idiot box expert with a penchant for the creative. In short, I'm a loser with no focus or direction in life. I just go where the creative flow takes me. Mostly it takes me to clogged up drains and stinky oceans but it's going.......going.....somewhere. And this blog is an expression of that mindblowing roadblock. Creative frustration is a great motivator and here is a result of that.

Posted on January 31, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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