“What???! YOU THINK THIS IS YOUR GRANDFATHER’S ROAD???! GET OUT OF OUR WAY!!!” the 30-something pork-faced man yelled out at me, his eyeballs almost bulging out of his head, as his suddenly mute thin-sticked girlfriend sat expressionless behind the wheel.

Yes, folks! That was just the first of many verbal abuses that were thrown about yesterday when I encountered a road bully right in front of my house gate.

That’s right! You heard me.

I was road bullied (or rude bullied, depending on how you want to look at it) at the doorsteps of my house.

This must the lowest point in the history of abusive Malaysian driving history when a person is ghastly treated about stopping right in front of their house so they can get their gates open and drive into their own bloody house.

So picture this: .JB, Malaysia on a lazy tea-time afternoon on a peaceful January day. A couple of plumbers and construction workers have come in to work on a leaky bathroom in my house and ladders and broken tiles are everywhere.

The plumber’s van is parked right outside, taking up about ¼ of the road space in the opposite direction in which I was soon destined to be coming from.

So then, happy ole me, Miss Victim of Abuse or VOA, is on her way home from the grocery store. I sail smoothly up the gentle slope that leads up to my house gate only to find that Mr Plumber’s van has blocked up my view of the house gate. I stop and decide to get down to open the gate and see if I can negotiate my MPV into the driveway given the tX-Factor plumber’s van, was in the picture.

Brealy had I gotten out of my vehicle when I heard a loud honk behind me and I thought “Hmmph! I’m going to ignore that coz as Mr Impatient can see, the road’s completely blocked and I’m going up to check on my gate.”

Well, that’s what I thought.

As I got out, a Chinese man angrily emerged from the passenger seat from the silver Honda City car behind me and started pulling some ugly verbal shapes on me.

“OY!!! How can you stop here ah???! “ he screams.

And I, Miss VOA, was like “Huh?” Then, a quick dart of my eyes to the left revealed a half-starved chicken of a Chinese woman (whom I’m assuming is a girlfriend or whatever) lodged frozen behind the wheel as she haughtily looked at me.

“Ah, the woman who instigated it all. The cowardly honker who letting her man do the talking….No, wait, the verbal abusing,” I proceeded to think.

“Hey, hey, hey! Calm down here a sec,” I reply. “This is my house. Just wait a few seconds and I’ll be in.”

Now, any NORMAL human being would’ve just turned beetroot red in embarrassment, apologized nicely and gotten back into their car, wouldn’t they?

But o noooo, I got extra spicy kung pao chicken in the mix here.

“EH!!! THIS IS NOT YOUR GRANDFATHER’S ROAD. YOU BETTER GO NOOOWWW!” replied extra spicy kung pao chicken…er I mean pork-faced man, his jugular exposed and his temples tensed.

“Whoa! Whoa! Did you hear what I said? This is my house and I’m going to take a few seconds to get in. If you can’t wait, please reverse and head out in another direction,” I reply, my temper already bubbling.


And I’m like. What’s up with this guy and my ancestor’s owning this road, huh? Do you have a father complex or something? Besides, it literally could be my road because it runs right in front of my house. What part of the English language was this guy having trouble grasping eh?

My eyes then quickly glanced down to his license plate number PGT 6738.

‘Ahhh! From Penang….OK, let’s give this guy and his spineless girlfriend a taste of Persis’ spicy stir-fried rice, you mofo!”


“YOU STUPID GET OFF!!!” yells the guy.

Shock stole my face. This guy just wasn’t going to let this go was he?

Meanwhile, girlfriend behind wheel continues to witness this without moving a muscle while hero boyfriend tries to prove his mettle through more verbal abuses.

“YOU MOVE YOUR CAR!!! I DON’T CARE!!” he continues.

“YES I WILL! But don’t be rude about it! Screw you! One more and I’ll call the police!” I yelled back.

But that threat wasn’t enough as right after that, another round of expletives from both parties.

By this time, the contractors in my house, who had already heard the commotion, were flitting about to see what was going on.

I had enough of wasting my time on this bugger and decided to check with the workers if my gate was open and it was, to my relief.

So without even giving handmade noodle guy and his girly twirly a second look, I got into my vehicle and carefully entered my driveway.

Seconds later, the Honda City zoomed off like a bolt of hot chilli sauce on fire.

The construction workers shouted after the car “Oi! Pergi balik Cina la!” literally translated meaning “Go back to China!”

I looked back at them, still seething, my hands still shaking from all that shouting.

The ring fight was over – the contenders both reeling from the scraping experience.

My family and the workers continued to discuss the strange incident while I kept thinking about how bad drivers and the traffic situation was in the country.

Correction – the world.

Increasingly we are seeing inconsiderate drivers, road bullying and people who live such stressful lives, it doesn’t take much to trigger them before they fly off the handle.

Behind the wheel, people take on different personalities. One that believes other drivers should kowtow to them just because they are in a bigger or better vehicle.

The sad truth is despite the many, many, bazillion articles on road rage, road bullying and reports of high rates of road accidents around the world, drivers are continuously making the driving experience an unpleasant one not only for themselves but for others sharing the same roads.

Lack of enforcement officers, lack of discipline and kindness on the road coupled with  the growing number of cars owners calls for immediate emergency action on the twerps who are major road hazards to others.

These morons should be revoked of their license and never have to drive again. This goes for drunk drivers as well and hit-and-run-offenders.

Time spent behind bars would be a nice topping on the cake too, come to think of it.

I don’t care what people say but dangerous drivers/passengers like these should be seriously kept off the roads.

The driving schools that certify them as qualified drivers should also be given the boot and shut down, especially those that take bribes from their students to get a pass on their theory or practical tests.

Doing this is equal to letting murderers/bullies on the road and the consequences of placing unqualified and inexperienced drivers out there is of concern to me because they can be totally devastating at its worst.

OK, I’m not the nicest, politest person in the world but when I’m out there – on the roads or off, dealing with people – I have a conscience.

If you don’t, get off these roads.

Thank You!


About thejellyfarm

In real life, I am a television writer and producer...er no...scratch...a television director....noo, scratch....a media loser.....wait, that doesn't sound quite insulting enough....... OK, ahem. In real life, I'm an idiot box expert with a penchant for the creative. In short, I'm a loser with no focus or direction in life. I just go where the creative flow takes me. Mostly it takes me to clogged up drains and stinky oceans but it's going.......going.....somewhere. And this blog is an expression of that mindblowing roadblock. Creative frustration is a great motivator and here is a result of that.

Posted on January 5, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Add low EQ. No, actually, erase that. It’s more of utter lack of intelligence. *sigh* Good thing you gave it to that bastard. Hpmh

  2. Hahaha . …
    This is kinda funny . . . . . .

    That pork-face guy has limited vocab . . ..

    If you are gonna continue with your words, he can only repeat his verbal abusive sentence.

    Hahahaha . …

  3. your terminologies are amusing :p
    i agree this road idiots needs to be revooked of their license, dragged into the street and hit by a bulldozer. on the lighter side, thank goodnes that guy has no gun, there are deaths in Philippines caused by traffic arguments

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