41. TOXIC

Untitled-Scanned-06This morning, while out on some errands and on the road, some adamantly generic pop radio station was blaring Britney Spear’s ‘Toxic’ – a hit from the confused music diva from a few years back.

The song was quite groovy when I heard it back then as I take keen pleasure in listening to songs with creative rhythms and beats and imaginative melodies. My ears go ‘Whoppee! Now those are sounds to put my eardrums to!’

And while the song did quite well for me when it came to beats and melody, lyrically it was like romping around in bed with an inexperienced teen girl who was basically a tease – soft porn wrapped in cheap pink bubblegum.

Well that IS the sound of bubblegum when it goes ‘Pop!’ isn’t it? 😛

And upon reaching the chorus, Britney croons how her lover is dangerous and poisonous in every way and yet she is addicted.

And that is exactly how I would like to describe my relationship to my job and my current professional life here in Singapore.

It’s toxic.

Stay away! It’s NOT radiation free and it definitely will have a malnourishing effect on you over time.

Not only on your professional life and personality. In a weird way, the lifestyle, the pedantic and clinical method of living in Singapore robs you eventually of your humanity.

In a brilliant article posted on Facebook by one of my friends is this article from NY-based 20th Century design ‘marvolo’ is called ’10 things I learned’. An insightful article by Milton Glaser in which he articulates so clearly the point on toxicity:

“Point #3 – SOME PEOPLE ARE TOXIC AVOID THEM.
This is a subtext of number one. There was in the sixties a man named Fritz Perls who was a gestalt therapist. Gestalt therapy derives from art history, it proposes you must understand the ‘whole’ before you can understand the details. What you have to look at is the entire culture, the entire family and community and so on. Perls proposed that in all relationships people could be either toxic or nourishing towards one another. It is not necessarily true that the same person will be toxic or nourishing in every relationship, but the combination of any two people in a relationship produces toxic or nourishing consequences. And the important thing that I can tell you is that there is a test to determine whether someone is toxic or nourishing in your relationship with them. Here is the test: You have spent some time with this person, either you have a drink or go for dinner or you go to a ball game. It doesn’t matter very much but at the end of that time you observe whether you are more energised or less energised. Whether you are tired or whether you are exhilarated. If you are more tired then you have been poisoned. If you have more energy you have been nourished. The test is almost infallible and I suggest that you use it for the rest of your life.”

And in that sense, I am at some point convinced this is my ‘health issue’. The reason why I feel dowdy like grandma’s frumpy pantaloons here. Why I feel drained and tired almost all the time and why this sudden feeling that me ole noggin has been ‘brain-napped’ and held for ransom by some invisible, overwhelming force.

Signs of toxicity in my life include –

1. Constant feeling of not being bothered

2. Detachment to job

3. Lack of pride for job or motivation

4. Lack of feelings of love (period, romantic or otherwise)

5. Loss of femininity or even not bothered about it

6. No faith in humanity

7. No real excitement to anything. It’s all feigned. That I am telling the truth.

8. Spaced out denial

9. Forgetfulness/Carelessness

I find there are very few people I’ve met or have rubbed shoulders and feet with that are ‘nourishing’ me in any aspect of my life with the occassional exception or two.

Could this lack of excitement for life be the explanation for the lack of femininity?

Could this daily energy drain be why I don’t even remember who I am some days?

Could where a person is and the people they interact with affect the type of person they are and if this is so, what’s the next step?

For me, if the above is true, according to Milton, then my next goal is to distance myself from people who drain me of my energies and remove myself from this toxic environment that does not nourish me at all.

Plans in place for an emigration. You wait and see.

And now back to your regularly scheduled radio programme with Britney’s hit ‘Toxic’….

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About thejellyfarm

In real life, I am a television writer and producer...er no...scratch...a television director....noo, scratch....a media loser.....wait, that doesn't sound quite insulting enough....... OK, ahem. In real life, I'm an idiot box expert with a penchant for the creative. In short, I'm a loser with no focus or direction in life. I just go where the creative flow takes me. Mostly it takes me to clogged up drains and stinky oceans but it's going.......going.....somewhere. And this blog is an expression of that mindblowing roadblock. Creative frustration is a great motivator and here is a result of that.

Posted on July 11, 2009, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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