Untitled-Scanned-02OK, one statement.

Women eat whilst men gulp. Period.

While women are happily chewing their food daintily in their mouths, men wolf their foods down as if Armageddon was just around the corner and this was their last meal.

Slow down guys!

What’s the hurry? It’s not like your digestive system’s on a vacation to Gut Valley or something.

But then again, women take it to the other extreme by remembering what grandma said about chewing your food at least 49 times before you swallow.

Geez, if I were to do that, I might as well have my intestines and gall bladder surgically implanted right there in my mouth coz half my digestion process would’ve been done and over with the 49-chew rule. Think of a bird digesting its food for its nestlings.

Ewww! Regurgitated snacks for your tummy.

Sorry, but I’ll pass the retching stomach and collect my $200 please. 

Again, ladies and Belly Bobs, it’s about the balance between the fine concubine art of eating vs. gulping.

Eating is meant to be enjoyed. Gulping is more for…erm….people who just wanna choke and die.

I’d pick eating any day because I’m not very familiar with the Heimlich Manouevre.

Now, with eating, it’s a mix of the chewing and the fast gulps.

It’s a time to swirl the food around, enjoy it’s tastes a bit, bite around for a few seconds and swallow. 

A bite of a process that takes less than 30 seconds but certainly more than 5. 

It’s clearly a choice between Belly Bobbing and Trim Tummy-ing.

Allowing some form of chewing gives your food a chance to be digested in your mouth before giving it the old heave-ho down your gut.

And by doing this, your internal digestive departments don’t have to process so much paperwork, see?

That leaves the desk nice and organised most of the time, which gives you a productive department and a trim waistline instead of a gravity-driven bulk of blubber.

Let’s leave fat solely for the whales, allright?

So next time you catch yourself on the express food train service, excuse yourself politely, get off and simply do the ‘eat’.

It’s girly but it keeps you in the health zone.


About thejellyfarm

In real life, I am a television writer and producer...er no...scratch...a television director....noo, scratch....a media loser.....wait, that doesn't sound quite insulting enough....... OK, ahem. In real life, I'm an idiot box expert with a penchant for the creative. In short, I'm a loser with no focus or direction in life. I just go where the creative flow takes me. Mostly it takes me to clogged up drains and stinky oceans but it's going.......going.....somewhere. And this blog is an expression of that mindblowing roadblock. Creative frustration is a great motivator and here is a result of that.

Posted on July 4, 2009, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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