2. BALLS

shirtntieMen here have lost their balls!  YES!!

It’s amazing! Step into the continent of Asia and all of a sudden heads expand thanks to ego but unsurprisingly balls shrink! It must be physics or something but it could be bollocks! Take your pick.

But it’s not just Asia people. Strangely enough, this phenomenon of ever decreasing chutzpah in men is seeping into other manly continents as well.

I’ve got a few theories…

Could it be feminism and increasing number of powerful women in the world today that’s causing this sickness? Is it genetic mutation? Or what about increasingly different demands and expectations of genders today?

But whatever it is, I’ve mapped out some striking characteristics that define the man of today as truly having lost his balls (according to me):

1. Inability to stay focused
2. Indecisive
3. Mood Swings
4. Lack of confidence and courage (let’s not ego)
5. Immense dose of false ego and very little follow-up action
6. Insecure
7. Talks about mama 24-7
8. Hen-pecked
9. Gay-ed
10. Moisturising & Grooming
11, Metrosexual Culture
12. Lack of smarts
13. Co-dependent
14. Not technical oriented or crafty

I find some of the above quite disturbing trends among the men I’ve worked with, been friends with or just meet or observe on a casual day-to-day basis.

I mean, at first I just wrote it off as signs of men embracing their feminine side, paying homage to their inner Goddess and moisturising their egos and all, but as the years go by, I observe more and more men are becoming TOO FEMININE for my taste.

I mean, what happened to the John Waynes, the Clark Gables, the Sean Connerys or even the Cheech and Chongs?!

I mean, when a girl like me starts to feel more man than a guy standing next to me, then something must seriously be wrong…..with me? Haha!

But nah, I dated guys when I was in my 20s from Asia and the US and back then there seemed to be some semblance of masculinity running around somewhere, but these days I find men buh-boring because they’re sooooo whiny and emo.

They bore me with their predictable antics and fly-by-night chatter about themselves and how great they are.

They frustrate me with their inability to focus on a problem at hand and make a decision. My past few male bosses being prime-meat examples. Gosh, there’s nothing more that frustrates me than a person who cannot make a decision and more so, a man!
Even when it comes to something simple like ordering food. I’ve had my ‘no balls’ moments when a guy I was with at a restaurant goes “Erm, what are you having?” looks over at me and I point at a menu and go “This”. He replies “Wow! Fast!” and I think “Of course! I can read! You know that skill they teach you when you’re at school with a book in front of you?” And then oh my god, the anticlimax moment when he goes “OK, I’ll have what you’re having!”

“Eeeks! You sooooo have no individuality or a mind of your own! Potential hen-peckee. NEXT!”

OK, now before you get the impression that I’m a woman who likes to be abused by a man, you’re dead wrong.

What I want and I believe a lot of confident, professional, high-flying gals are looking for is a man’s man. He doesn’t have to be the best-looker or the richest pig in the party but he has to be self-assured.

And the guys here are so not. I could sell life insurance to a donkey before I find one chivalrous, self-assured male in my neighbourhood.

They’re whiny, co-dependent and most annoyingly, take better care of themselves than a woman. Now it’s the women like me who feel embarassed going out with a more finely cut gentleman who spends thousands of dollars moisturising and manicuring than his gal pal. 

What would be even more embarassing is if he’s got a bathroom that looked more like a yoghurt shop than it did a bathroom.

Oooooh, spooky! 

Did I say spooky? Yes, I did.

And that’s because if this trend of men having less balls than their ladies continues, it will indeed become a full-fledged horror movie. Move over Freddy Kruger! Your nails don’t scare me. They might scare Bud-nicer over there but not me..Na-ah!

And if men don’t pull up their socks or crotchless chaps anytime soon, I fear women will out-man them in no time. They will really see what being dominated by a Goddess is really like, but I’m sure they’re not complaining. As long as they’re moisturised.
:))

*WEEKLY FEMININE RATING:  1 FLOWERflower

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About thejellyfarm

In real life, I am a television writer and producer...er no...scratch...a television director....noo, scratch....a media loser.....wait, that doesn't sound quite insulting enough....... OK, ahem. In real life, I'm an idiot box expert with a penchant for the creative. In short, I'm a loser with no focus or direction in life. I just go where the creative flow takes me. Mostly it takes me to clogged up drains and stinky oceans but it's going.......going.....somewhere. And this blog is an expression of that mindblowing roadblock. Creative frustration is a great motivator and here is a result of that.

Posted on May 9, 2009, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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