67. DREDGES OF THE DRIVING WORLD

I admit it. I have an anger problem which probably needs professional help one of these days.

And I’m seriously looking into some anger management courses to curb it before I hurt myself.

I have considered this path especially after my recent road bullying experience and another road incident recently that saw me become a totally uncontrollable driver behind the wheels.

I’m talking about serious accelerator revving, 0 to 100 in 10 seconds or less.

Now I can easily point fingers at the berks that crossed my path but I know somewhere deep inside I shouldn’t even let these people work me up.

But they do.

Bad, nasty disgraceful drivers who shouldn’t even be given licenses to drive.

The phenomenon of having more people squeezing for space on roads, impatient monsters behind the wheels and just plain rude folk has instigated me to write this blog.

Some of the people who deserve their licenses revoked include:

tailgaters

speedsters (you know – the ones who think public roads are F1 tracks and the wanna Lewis Hamiltons? Pffft!)

queue jumpers

parking lot blockers

mobile phone yappers

drunk drivers

road bullies

Yea, that practically makes everyone of us drivers, including me.

But before you jump to conclusions, let me say why I believe the above categories of drivers need to be whip creamed and sauted by the traffic police.

1. They ENDANGER other people’s lives

2. The show that they behave worse than the apes in the jungle even though they think they are being smart, cutting people off as they weave in from lane to lane.

3. You PISS other drivers off.

4. You’re a BAD EXAMPLE to other up and coming drivers.

5. Oh and did I mention, you ENDANGER other people’s lives?

So there!

‘Nuff said.

And why is every driver I know in such a hurry to get anywhere? WTF?!

It’s like demon possession as soon as they get the keys into the ignition.

Slowww down people! You’ll get there on your own mystical time.

And if you’re late, bloody hell, get up earlier so you can to appointments ON TIME.

God, I can’t imagine what the roads are gonna be like when I’m 80 and still having to drive.

I’d probably have to get me one of those monster trucks with giant wheels (ala Bjork’s video Army of Me) so whenever someone displays monkey behaviour on the roads, I can simply run over their vehicles and continue driving peacefully at the designated speed limit.

Sheesh!

Well, enuff of me digging up foul-smelling dirt on the pitiful world of ‘duh-riving’.

But just a word of precaution to all those twit drivers out there. Don’t mess with me when you see me on the roads next time. I’ll be keeping a close eye on you, making sure you keep to the rules or else, you’ll face an army of me and my traffic light contigent, my friends.

And without any further ado-doo.

Here’s my special guest star from Iceland, the multi-talented Bjork, who happens to be quite good at driving one mean monster truck.

Here she is performing ‘Army of Me’! Take it away Bjork!

66. DESK GROUCHES

Grouchy, grouchy, grouchy….that’s what I’ve been lately.

And it’s all stuff happening behind stuffy desks, namely my boss.

I’ve accepted the fact that no boss is perfect but productively, there are times when bosses don’t help their subordinates in the department and are too busy looking out for their own asses.

And that happens to my boss.

To keep this short and simply frustrating, here’s what I dislike about my superior and my current situation.

1. I’m the shit cleaner. Anytime there’s problems, guess who gets the blame?

2. Say one thing now, and say another thing 2 minutes later. Utterly fuzzy wuzzy directives with no clear cut decision-making done which = to delays in starting projects or moving forward with clear instructions.

3. Blame others even when the directive was given by you.

4. NEVER answers or reads important e-mails. Just cares about being in the loop when this person is so seriously out of the loop because of not reading e-mails. Can you say vicious cycle?

5. Totally uninspiring and does not take initiative or use his powers to convince other departments what our department can or cannot do, but at internal meetings, announces to team that this is really not the way to work things out but continues later to display such insecure behaviour anyways with unrealistic project expectations from other department.

65. MIAF (Missing in Action Friends)

Missing in action friends or MIAF as I like to call ‘em. Here today, gone today.

I’m writing this coz I’m peeved with 2 psychologically unstable gal ‘pals’ I met in the course of the last 2 years.

Without going into too much detail, one of them got offended when I mentioned how my mother was unlike her mother who had recently died when she was the one that asked me in the first place what was troubling me about my mother. She then took offence at that remark n was never seen or heard of again.

The other one, who also had personal problems, disappeared when I didn’t buy vodka for her from the duty free shop when I returned from India recently n didn’t want to return her SMSes because after endless hours consoling her and allowing her to dump her less than stellar energy fields on me, I realized that I couldn’t do anything more as a friend for her unless she helps herself.

And since I have been having my own health and personal issues to deal with, having someone who expects you to be their constant shoulder to cry on was a little demanding and draining for me.

I needed time out from this ‘thing’.

I’ve gone thru the entire gamut of these type of friends and frankly, I’m weary n tired of playing with these people whom you have done much for and offered straightforward friendship. They expect you to be peachy keen everyday and to ‘entertain’ them emotionally when they need your company or want to dump problems on you, but at the first sign of you having a bad day or being not in the mood to play friend, they go sayonara.

Anywhoo, I guess I’ll be seeing more of these fairweather friends in the future. Maybe I will have something to learn from these folk……

64. RUDE BULLIES

“What???! YOU THINK THIS IS YOUR GRANDFATHER’S ROAD???! GET OUT OF OUR WAY!!!” the 30-something pork-faced man yelled out at me, his eyeballs almost bulging out of his head, as his suddenly mute thin-sticked girlfriend sat expressionless behind the wheel.

Yes, folks! That was just the first of many verbal abuses that were thrown about yesterday when I encountered a road bully right in front of my house gate.

That’s right! You heard me.

I was road bullied (or rude bullied, depending on how you want to look at it) at the doorsteps of my house.

This must the lowest point in the history of abusive Malaysian driving history when a person is ghastly treated about stopping right in front of their house so they can get their gates open and drive into their own bloody house.

So picture this: .JB, Malaysia on a lazy tea-time afternoon on a peaceful January day. A couple of plumbers and construction workers have come in to work on a leaky bathroom in my house and ladders and broken tiles are everywhere.

The plumber’s van is parked right outside, taking up about ¼ of the road space in the opposite direction in which I was soon destined to be coming from.

So then, happy ole me, Miss Victim of Abuse or VOA, is on her way home from the grocery store. I sail smoothly up the gentle slope that leads up to my house gate only to find that Mr Plumber’s van has blocked up my view of the house gate. I stop and decide to get down to open the gate and see if I can negotiate my MPV into the driveway given the tX-Factor plumber’s van, was in the picture.

Brealy had I gotten out of my vehicle when I heard a loud honk behind me and I thought “Hmmph! I’m going to ignore that coz as Mr Impatient can see, the road’s completely blocked and I’m going up to check on my gate.”

Well, that’s what I thought.

As I got out, a Chinese man angrily emerged from the passenger seat from the silver Honda City car behind me and started pulling some ugly verbal shapes on me.

“OY!!! How can you stop here ah???! “ he screams.

And I, Miss VOA, was like “Huh?” Then, a quick dart of my eyes to the left revealed a half-starved chicken of a Chinese woman (whom I’m assuming is a girlfriend or whatever) lodged frozen behind the wheel as she haughtily looked at me.

“Ah, the woman who instigated it all. The cowardly honker who letting her man do the talking….No, wait, the verbal abusing,” I proceeded to think.

“Hey, hey, hey! Calm down here a sec,” I reply. “This is my house. Just wait a few seconds and I’ll be in.”

Now, any NORMAL human being would’ve just turned beetroot red in embarrassment, apologized nicely and gotten back into their car, wouldn’t they?

But o noooo, I got extra spicy kung pao chicken in the mix here.

“EH!!! THIS IS NOT YOUR GRANDFATHER’S ROAD. YOU BETTER GO NOOOWWW!” replied extra spicy kung pao chicken…er I mean pork-faced man, his jugular exposed and his temples tensed.

“Whoa! Whoa! Did you hear what I said? This is my house and I’m going to take a few seconds to get in. If you can’t wait, please reverse and head out in another direction,” I reply, my temper already bubbling.

“NO!!! THIS IS NOT YOUR FATHER’S ROAD!”

And I’m like. What’s up with this guy and my ancestor’s owning this road, huh? Do you have a father complex or something? Besides, it literally could be my road because it runs right in front of my house. What part of the English language was this guy having trouble grasping eh?

My eyes then quickly glanced down to his license plate number PGT 6738.

‘Ahhh! From Penang….OK, let’s give this guy and his spineless girlfriend a taste of Persis’ spicy stir-fried rice, you mofo!”

“AYYYYYYY!!!” I screamed out. “THIS IS MY FATHER’S ROAD AND THIS IS HIS HOUSE, WHICH IS TECHNICALLY ALSO MY HOUSE, SO YOU GET YOUR ASS OFF HERE, YOU MOTHER “BLEEEP”!!! AND YOU WAIT FOR ME TO GET IN!”

“YOU STUPID GET OFF!!!” yells the guy.

Shock stole my face. This guy just wasn’t going to let this go was he?

Meanwhile, girlfriend behind wheel continues to witness this without moving a muscle while hero boyfriend tries to prove his mettle through more verbal abuses.

“YOU MOVE YOUR CAR!!! I DON’T CARE!!” he continues.

“YES I WILL! But don’t be rude about it! Screw you! One more and I’ll call the police!” I yelled back.

But that threat wasn’t enough as right after that, another round of expletives from both parties.

By this time, the contractors in my house, who had already heard the commotion, were flitting about to see what was going on.

I had enough of wasting my time on this bugger and decided to check with the workers if my gate was open and it was, to my relief.

So without even giving handmade noodle guy and his girly twirly a second look, I got into my vehicle and carefully entered my driveway.

Seconds later, the Honda City zoomed off like a bolt of hot chilli sauce on fire.

The construction workers shouted after the car “Oi! Pergi balik Cina la!” literally translated meaning “Go back to China!”

I looked back at them, still seething, my hands still shaking from all that shouting.

The ring fight was over – the contenders both reeling from the scraping experience.

My family and the workers continued to discuss the strange incident while I kept thinking about how bad drivers and the traffic situation was in the country.

Correction – the world.

Increasingly we are seeing inconsiderate drivers, road bullying and people who live such stressful lives, it doesn’t take much to trigger them before they fly off the handle.

Behind the wheel, people take on different personalities. One that believes other drivers should kowtow to them just because they are in a bigger or better vehicle.

The sad truth is despite the many, many, bazillion articles on road rage, road bullying and reports of high rates of road accidents around the world, drivers are continuously making the driving experience an unpleasant one not only for themselves but for others sharing the same roads.

Lack of enforcement officers, lack of discipline and kindness on the road coupled with  the growing number of cars owners calls for immediate emergency action on the twerps who are major road hazards to others.

These morons should be revoked of their license and never have to drive again. This goes for drunk drivers as well and hit-and-run-offenders.

Time spent behind bars would be a nice topping on the cake too, come to think of it.

I don’t care what people say but dangerous drivers/passengers like these should be seriously kept off the roads.

The driving schools that certify them as qualified drivers should also be given the boot and shut down, especially those that take bribes from their students to get a pass on their theory or practical tests.

Doing this is equal to letting murderers/bullies on the road and the consequences of placing unqualified and inexperienced drivers out there is of concern to me because they can be totally devastating at its worst.

OK, I’m not the nicest, politest person in the world but when I’m out there – on the roads or off, dealing with people – I have a conscience.

If you don’t, get off these roads.

Thank You!

63. RACISTS PART 1

Being a racist is nothing new. We’ve seen it happening and occuring all over the world throughout mankind’s existence and his temperamental history.

Great wars were fought, won and lost because of it. Personal and work relationships broken down due to differences in mindset and relationship with Self mutilated through loss of confidence and self-esteem.

And even in the new millenium, our year, 2009, racism rears its ugly head quite often. Obviously, it isn’t as pronounced as it used to be what it definitely exists in subtle form.

One example I’ve noticed lately is Malaysia’s political tagline: 1Malaysia

Now WHAT is that all about?

The same goes for Singapore’s lame attempt called ‘Racial Harmony Day’

Now, while all intentions behind these PC events are good, in the long term, to me, they only serve to highlight differences, not similarities.

A Hari Raya ad I saw recently in the Malaysian papers attests to this. It’s a shot of some people in an MPV on their way to a Hari Raya celebration. In the front seat are a Malay man and woman wearing their traditional ‘Raya bajus’ while at the back sat another Malay lady and 3 kids, one Chinese, one Indian and another Malay kid donned in their traditional garb – the Chinese kid in his mandarin-collared red and gold threaded suit and the Indian girl in her ‘patta’ sari glory.

Sigh!

How stereotyped is that ad eh?

Not to mention dated!

And it’s not only fashion stereotypes, it’s comedy stereotypes. I really don’t think comedy shows accentuating the funny mamak roti canai man in his thick ‘Yindian Yak-cent’ tickles my funny bone anymore.

Neither does my sides split when I see a Chinese man, dicing a scene in rapid-fire Hokkien while obsessing about his mahjong game and since we’re going there, the Malay man who displays the IQ of a ketupat.

Sigh….we certainly haven’t moved on have we?

Everyday I’m reminded of my race. When I apply for a job, people want to know what race I am. And then to top it off, they asked me what my religion is.

Totally annoyed, there have been times I’ve been tempted to write ‘Member of Satanic Cult’ just to make people realise what a dumb state of affairs we’ve been thrown in.

But the worst part of racism is the marginalisation and I’m going to be brutally honest here. Are you ready?

Our countries, Malaysia and Singapore, are racist.

Once again, our countries, Malaysia and Singapore are racist.

OK, have you recovered?

Good, because I’m going to say that word again – RACIST

Why are we racist?

Because

1. We stereotype a person (like I mentioned above) through their colour, race, religion and languages spoken.

2. We give jobs to people who can speak, read and write Chinese….whoops, did I say that? Oh my goodness! Slap me in the wontons people but this is fact. Non-Chinese are outrightly denied benefits of securing a position in employment in the employer requires Chinese to be a leading communicative language.

3. Our governments have been known to secretly or otherwise, practise preferential treatment. In the case of Malaysia it isn’t much of a secret with the ‘bumiputra’ policy and in Singapore, it’s the complete ‘anti-bumiputra’ policy that promotes superiority of one ethnic group over another which is my next definition of racism.

4. We are racist because there is a underlying (and I call it a subconscious) belief that every race has deterministic characteristics both positive and negative that results in racial differences that either make a race feel inherently superior ir inferior of a particular racial group. Spin that mindset with biasness and walah, you get pride and prejudice.

The United Nations itself states that there is no distinction between the term racial discrimination and ethnic discrimination.

As I mentioned in my last post, we’re all defined, labelled, bar-coded and heck, even de-classified at times just so some random population expert working for the government can keep tabs on the various ‘breeds of species’ in existence in a country.

But is this a kind of simplistic excuse?

Yes, it is especially for those who are in denial-yea you know those people-the ostriches who’ve got their heads in the sand.

An American guy who’s settled in China for the last few years has got a blog called ‘The White Devil’. In a post written in 2008, he notes how the Chinese in general have no empathy or sympathy for anyone other than close friends and family. Everybody else can basically fudge themselves off on a chocolate cake, basically.

I don’t know if that’s true but it certainly seems to be so for quite a lot of people I’ve talked to through the years who’ve had bad experiences with Chinese.

But I’m an Indian and I’ve had a few scrapes and spills with my own kind and other races.

Look: let’s face it. Feelings of racism occur in every race. There will always be bad apples within the lot because it is a survival instinct to flock towards your own kind.

But it’s 2010 and despite our education and increased exposure to so many other different races and cultures, it’s amazing how our primal urges still unconsciously plays a huge role in our lives today.

I still have loads to write about this but I’ll save that for another day.

Meanwhile I’m putting on my Klu Klux Klan outfit and heading off for a lynching. Ta!!

62. BABY GOT BACK

Noo…and I don’t mean that I have a rump the size of Frisco, what I mean is this baby’s back!

Yes, after a couple of months hiatus, I’m ready to get this blog blogging again with insights, tirades and superpoke articles that will get my conscience and hopefully, the readers conscience nudged and prodded as well.

So the big question is ‘What HAVE I been up to since I deserted the troops?’

Well, quite a lot really.

Some quite uplifting.

Others downright capitalist.

Let’s tackle the uplifting activities first eh?

Mostly, I took time out here to grieve and get away from mental and emotional noise.

Work got really demanding for awhile as well, so I felt I needed some balance.

Well, health experienced a bit of a blow as well the last few months, which saw me struggling with tummy problems, anxiety attacks and even a bout of severe dehydration where I nearly passed out and had to be brought to the docs.

Then, right after Gran passed away, I found myself obsessed with one of my first loves – art. Suddenly I had all these colours and drawings to do and so I’ve been doing a lot of canvas cavorting, you could say.

Then, I spent an enlightening 2 weeks in my hometown of Kerala, India where not only did time come to a standstill but I laid to rest Gran’s final ashes. Not an easy day, by any count, but another opportunity at release.

I also got to go to Tokyo and meet Hollywood actress, Scarlett Johansson and interview her PLUS have a few drinks with her at her VIP Lounge whilst doing a shoot at a champagne event in which she was the brand ambassador of. How cool was that eh?

And speaking of celebs, I got to interview and meet Lewis Hamilton, the F1 driver, interview the Backstreet Boys and up and coming Brit indie group, Raygun.

All in all, I would say, a pretty whirlwind few months.

Now to the darnright capitalist stuff.

Well, I also took the time to make a 3 minute short with a couple of friends and am also now working on a new 12-minute short for the Singapore Film Commission.

I also spent quite a lot of time putting in the foundation for a few new stand-up comedy blogs and a self-funded Internet comedy series which will probably be out end 2011.

I also do freelance lomo photography for weddings and special occassions AND get this, photography for an online site.

So yea, all in all, I’m one busy lady.

Do I sleep?

Yes, I do but I also thank god, I practise effective time management so I get a helluva lot of things done in a short space of time.

Sometimes even I have trouble believing how much I’ve done.

But that’s me.

The creative Energizer bunny.

Just do and do and do and go and go and go….

61. I’M EVERY WOMAN

Whitney Houston’s recent interview with Oprah was one of the best celeb interviews I’ve seen. It tops even the Michael Jackson one Oppie did back with the superstar in the 90s.

I loved the way how the interview was just such a candid heart-to-heart conversation between two ladies who’ve been through so much suffering and healing in their own ways.

And I also liked how Oppie mentioned how this wasn’t a comeback for Whitney but a ‘come-through’. 

Whitney’s life as many know has been plagued with stains since the mid-90s thanks to her tumultuous and erratic marriage to Booby…er oopps, BOBBY Brown.

And since then, it was hard, for me, and I suppose for many of her fans to stomach the fact that a goody, goody God-loving woman with ‘THE VOICE” like that would marry a man who’s had a fairly unstable background.

But according to her Diane Sawyer interview back in 1992 (yes, the one where she was the erratic one) Whitney said that she and Bob-ster had, in fact, a chemistry and attraction that went quite deep and resulted in their passionate relationship with each other.

Of course, that passion led to a strained and self-destructive path for both Whitney and Bobby as drugs, alcohol, womanising and emotional abuse came into the picture.

And after 13 years of one helluva rollercoaster marriage, Whitney admitted that she had had enough and eventually started moving the furniture and things out of her home.

The interview detailed a lot of intense moments during her turbulent marriage including an episode where Bobby even spit on her face, which shocked me because not only was that ahem, unhygienic but downright insulting. I mean how could you spit on a woman as gorgeous as her?

So as a fan, it was painful to see Whitney taking such a tumble in life as she was a great influencing figure in many of our lives whilst we were growing up. Her talent, clean-cut image and upbringing were inspiring to us at the time and a refreshing change from the trashy, bed-romping antics of Madonna. (Not that we don’t love you Maddie!) It’s just that Whitney exuded a sense of class and dignity to the whole music biz and of course, let’s not forget that voice.

Oh yes, the voice that everybody wanted to sound like. I even remember myself belting out numerous times Whitney Houston songs for my high school talent auditions and always knowing those were great songs to sing if you wanted to be a finalist. Heh-heh!

And for a while now, the fans thought that after her 2002 album, Whitney was going to be relegated to a thing of our past, a shadow of her once glorious self, lugging a whole set of emo baggage along with her.

Until now.

Whitney has returned – wiser, mature, humbled and more cleaned up than she has ever been before and I am grateful: Grateful for many of the things she expressed gratitude for in her interview – which is namely, being shaken out of her misery thanks to the loving grace of God.

With the help of friends and family, namely her mother, Whitney stumbled out of the shadows into the light and what an evolution she has had to go through to make her who she is today.

Her interview blew audiences away with her head-on honesty allowing her to come to terms with her struggles, later saying to Oppie how this interview was a much needed release for her.

I couldn’t agree more.

I hope indeed this interview is a breaking of the emotional and psychological shackles for her at this point because she so deserves happiness right now.

And yes, her voice has gone a little raspy and may not be able to hit the high notes as she was once able to, but to me it’s like experiencing a nice bottle of well-aged wine.

Indeed her struggles, her foibles and her breakthroughs make her every inch the woman she sings about and we need not feel sorry for her at all because she doesn’t.

Whitney – welcome back hon and may this be the beginning of a new journey for you!